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nyxelestiaTitle: Burning The Darkness
Rating: M/NC-17
Summary: Merlin left Ealdor for a reason. And that reason's back, in Camelot. Now he has to hide his past and save the prat, er, prince, while hiding the truth behind his fears. His growing magic isn't helping, either. Rating for later chapters.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: blood play, burn/fire play, non-con, rape, dub-con, alcoholism, drunk-con, abuse...you get the idea.
Episode warnings: set after 113...so entire first season, basically...
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jusmine984
Notes: Chapter title is a reference to the myth of the same name.
Other Chapters
Previous Chapter
~*~
“Merlin?”
“Merlin?”
“Merlin!”
Merlin’s head snapped up to see Arthur standing in the doorway to the armory. “I’ve tried to call you. Three times!”
“Sorry,” Merlin said, indicating vaguely towards the armor. “Had a lot on my mind.”
“Ever since the Questing Beast, you’ve always had a lot on your mind,” Arthur said sardonically.
Merlin nodded. “Yea, sorry, just…trying to get everything clean. Cain’s coming tomorrow and all, isn’t he?”
“Yes, Lord Lindsey – Cain? You know him?”
“Cain, please, that hurts-”
“Another gold coin in it for you!”
“…it hurts…”
“Do you want the extra money or not?”
“…y-yes…”
“Good. Now…”
“…ngh…nughAAH!”
“That’s it, Merlin…”
Damnit.
“Um…his estate isn’t too far from Ealdor,” Merlin said, which was true, actually. “He…he sometimes goes around the local towns and villages. I’ve seen him around.”
“Seen him around?” Arthur asked, curious as he stepped to the weapons wall and started looking through the knives, to send the dull ones off to sharpen. “What was he doing?”
“Cain?!”
“Hello, Merlin…fancy seeing you, out here.”
“I…I live here. And what’re you-”
“I heard that some boars were attacking the smaller villages…I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“He…he helped around, sometimes,” Merlin said. “Got rid of some boars for us, once.”
“Where was he when Kanan raided Ealdor?” Arthur asked.
“He wouldn’t spare enough manpower to take care of a problem that big, for us. He just helped with small things…”
Arthur shook his head. “Some help he was, then.”
“Er…some nobles are just like that, I suppose…” Merlin said, turning back towards Arthur’s armor, only keeping his hand on the rag as the magic did the actual work. “Most are, actually…”
“I’ve noticed,” Arthur said, somewhat darkly, shaking his head as he put another knife in his bag of those to be sharpened (though they all already looked sharp enough in Merlin’s opinion). “Especially in Northumbria. Cendred cares little for commoners in his kingdom.”
“Um…yea, I’ve noticed that,” Merlin said, hoping Arthur would leave soon so Merlin could just spell it all clean and get the rest of his chores done. “Never really helped us with anything, ever.”
Arthur nodded, turning back to Merlin. “Do you think he’ll recognize you?”
“I doubt it,” Merlin said out loud, adding in his head, And I certainly hope not.
Arthur just turned towards the door. “I shall see you tonight, for dinner. Tomorrow is the welcoming feast – I trust you will be ready, by then?”
“Elemental magic is a very natural form of magic, but extremely responsive to our emotions.”
“So how do you control it?”
“Simple, Merlin: focus. Think only of exactly what you want to do with the magic. And most of all, with a stern grip, flow through it. You cannot command nature – only make suggestions.”
“I just…focus?”
“Breathe, think carefully, and focus. That’s how you control what you can, andmanage what you can’t. You think, you prepare, and you focus.”
“Yes.”
As Arthur left, Merlin breathed a deep sigh of relief as he unclenched his hand, magic already setting to work.
This all was most definitely not good.
~*~
Morgana was looking at him strangely.
Not blatantly. Just out of the corner of his eye, he’d catch a strange glance, as she bundled up the basket with the wolf cub in it.
“…and we’ll likely have to keep it on milk for quite some time, considering how small it is. Though maybe we can mix in some meat sauces in, soon, depending on how well he does…and have you named him, yet?”
“Either Tundra or Cafall,” Merlin muttered.
As Gwen rolled her eyes, Morgana leaned in and asked Merlin, “You know it’s a wolf, right?”
“…it’s still…it’s…” Morgana smiled, no weird look at all, this time, and said,
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”
Merlin smiled gratefully, and Gwen came over and gently lifted up the basket, Morgana winking at Merlin on their way out.
As they left, Merlin sighed in relief and nearly collapsed on Gaius’s workbench, but managed to make it to his room before falling into his bed.
Sighing, he turned and settled in for a quick nap. Between nightmares about the Isle of the Blessed and the dragon yelling in his head when he was asleep, Merlin was always sleep deprived and always exhausted.
This was good for his magic – not only more time to study, but magic seemed easier to absorb when he was in that state between sleep and awake that came easier with exhaustion – but bad for everything else.
With a few flicks of his wrist to close the door and shut the curtains, Merlin fell fast asleep.
~*~
Well, there was one bright side to Cain visiting: as he was a very high lord, Uther was apparently quite interested in pulling the man in, using everything he could, including food. Which meant more good food being prepared, all around. Which meant more good food for Merlin to nick for himself and Gwen when he could.
And that was about it.
It was much harder to get himself any free time in the middle of the day, but right now, he managed. He’d gone through Gaius’s list of various herbs rather quickly – using magic to find things really, really helped – and after having left the pack hidden in a tree on the edge of the forest, Merlin promptly changed into a dog and took off through the trees.
Black and slightly shaggy, Merlin still otherwise was basically the species of Arthur’s hunting dogs, which’ve been bred over generations to become the perfect hunters.
Sniffing the air, Merlin turned to the left and started barking madly and chasing a little fox he found, even though he had no plans to actually catch it. After tiring from the chase, Merlin became a deer (with sharp ears out, though Merlin could feel that there wasn’t anyone around), and started lapping at the water in the pond, before switching over to a fox, himself, and pondering swimming across the river. Well, there were no vicious, poisonous insects on his back like the stories his mother had told him, and this was a fairly tranquil pond and stream.
Dipping into the water, Merlin changed his mind when he felt how bloody cold it was.
Right, almost winter.
Blinking, Merlin looked up as he felt a tug in his chest. The sun was low – and Merlin did not want to think about how the hell he knew that even when he couldn’t actually see the sun for himself.
The fox sighed, and promptly became a hawk – he was getting good at this – and flew back to the tree where he had hidden the bag. Turning human, he grabbed the bag and quickly headed back towards Camelot.
In his haste, he missed the man in the shadows of the trees, watching the procession of magic with a speculative smile on his face.
~*~
The day of the arrival of the procession from Lindsey, Merlin seriously considered wandering over to that creepy, magical lake currently housing Arthur’s sword and drowning himself in it. It would certainly save a lot of trouble…
And for some reason, he still found himself in the main hall, standing by Gwen and awaiting the royal family to greet such a high ranking and wealthy lord.
“Are you all right?” Gwen asked, after a moment.
“Hm?” Merlin said, blinking somewhat dazedly as he turned to her.
“Have you gotten any sleep at all, lately?” Gwen asked, frowning. Merlin shook his head truthfully, muttering something about nightmares, and Gwen smiled understandingly. Of all people in the castle, she probably understood the impact of nightmares the best, seeing their effect on Morgana all the time.
The horns trumpeted, and all the servants and nobles in the court immediately stood straighter and pasted warm, receptive smiles on their faces as the doors to the main hall opened.
Merlin had forgotten Cain until now.
One thing his memories often seemed to block out on his behalf was how handsome the man was. He had deep brown hair with a tone to rival that of a bay stallion, with eyes to match, set in a smooth, curved face of unpocked skin. While his figure was not that of a knight’s, it was damn close thing, and he knew how to dress to flatter his body.
Money and magic were the reasons Merlin kept going back to Cain. But his body was the reason why it was easy.
“Lord Cain,” Uther said, pleasantly, nodding in acknowledgement but otherwise using his arms to greet the man. “Welcome to Camelot.”
“Thank you, sire,” Cain said, bowing before the king. “Camelot is every bit the majestic kingdom as its reputation says.”
His voice hadn’t changed one bit. Smooth – almost too smooth, but not quite.
Merlin lowered his head a little, letting his hair further shield his face as he slipped a bit behind the other servants, and watched the party play out before him.
“I trust your travels were well?” Uther asked, congenially. Cain smiled back in the same guarded but nice way nobles always smiled in and said,
“They were, your majesty, thank you.”
“After a long journey, I suspect you wish to rest before the dinner this evening,” Uther said, slightly more imperial. This was the cue for a few servants to appear as Uther said, “We will show you your chambers immediately.”
The nobles filed out, chatting pleasantly. The servants soon followed, heading back to their work. Gwen went with the seamstress to repair a dress of Morgana’s, Morgana headed off with the steward to do something in the ledgers, and Arthur went with his knights for training as Uther escorted Cain to his chambers.
When Merlin was in the hall, he hid in an alcove and breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Cain hadn’t seen him – disaster avoided, at least for now.
With that in mind, and a few plans for handling it later, Merlin set off after Arthur to be ready when he was done with the training.
~*~
Merlin smiled as he brushed down the horse before him, falling into the relaxing rhythm of doing this particular chore by hand. Start at the spine, press the brush against the horse firmly, and stroke down, the dirt and general grime falling away as the hair was returned to a fairly neat and orderly state.
He fussed over the state of the horse as he pondered the latest magical dilemma. The Cain thing averted for at least the moment, there was still the issue of what Gaius had just told him of, the small band vampires in the forest. So long as they didn’t feed off humans, Merlin could easily warn them away before Uther heard of them, but if they started, then he would likely be best just sitting back. Though maybe he should learn all of the magic against vampires just in case…
Click
The stable door behind Merlin opened. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to ask the stable-boy what he wanted-
And promptly froze.
Closing and locking the door behind him, Cain turned around, and with a smirk on his face, said, “Hello, Merlin.”
~*~
Next Chapter
A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Something I probably should’ve mentioned last chapter:
Merlin is, in the works of Robert de Boron, well known for his own shape shifting. T.H. White further elaborates on this in The Once and Future King by having Merlin turn Arthur into various animals to teach him about life, which is later used as the basis for the 1963 Disney film The Sword in the Stone.
In other words, Merlin being a shapeshifter is one of the very few things that is actually consistent across the legends, and yes, I am totally waiting for that to somehow show up on the show! *diehard Animorphs fan*
Rating: M/NC-17
Summary: Merlin left Ealdor for a reason. And that reason's back, in Camelot. Now he has to hide his past and save the prat, er, prince, while hiding the truth behind his fears. His growing magic isn't helping, either. Rating for later chapters.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: blood play, burn/fire play, non-con, rape, dub-con, alcoholism, drunk-con, abuse...you get the idea.
Episode warnings: set after 113...so entire first season, basically...
Beta:
jusmine984 Notes: Chapter title is a reference to the myth of the same name.
Other Chapters
Previous Chapter
“Merlin?”
“Merlin?”
“Merlin!”
Merlin’s head snapped up to see Arthur standing in the doorway to the armory. “I’ve tried to call you. Three times!”
“Sorry,” Merlin said, indicating vaguely towards the armor. “Had a lot on my mind.”
“Ever since the Questing Beast, you’ve always had a lot on your mind,” Arthur said sardonically.
Merlin nodded. “Yea, sorry, just…trying to get everything clean. Cain’s coming tomorrow and all, isn’t he?”
“Yes, Lord Lindsey – Cain? You know him?”
“Cain, please, that hurts-”
“Another gold coin in it for you!”
“…it hurts…”
“Do you want the extra money or not?”
“…y-yes…”
“Good. Now…”
“…ngh…nughAAH!”
“That’s it, Merlin…”
Damnit.
“Um…his estate isn’t too far from Ealdor,” Merlin said, which was true, actually. “He…he sometimes goes around the local towns and villages. I’ve seen him around.”
“Seen him around?” Arthur asked, curious as he stepped to the weapons wall and started looking through the knives, to send the dull ones off to sharpen. “What was he doing?”
“Cain?!”
“Hello, Merlin…fancy seeing you, out here.”
“I…I live here. And what’re you-”
“I heard that some boars were attacking the smaller villages…I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“He…he helped around, sometimes,” Merlin said. “Got rid of some boars for us, once.”
“Where was he when Kanan raided Ealdor?” Arthur asked.
“He wouldn’t spare enough manpower to take care of a problem that big, for us. He just helped with small things…”
Arthur shook his head. “Some help he was, then.”
“Er…some nobles are just like that, I suppose…” Merlin said, turning back towards Arthur’s armor, only keeping his hand on the rag as the magic did the actual work. “Most are, actually…”
“I’ve noticed,” Arthur said, somewhat darkly, shaking his head as he put another knife in his bag of those to be sharpened (though they all already looked sharp enough in Merlin’s opinion). “Especially in Northumbria. Cendred cares little for commoners in his kingdom.”
“Um…yea, I’ve noticed that,” Merlin said, hoping Arthur would leave soon so Merlin could just spell it all clean and get the rest of his chores done. “Never really helped us with anything, ever.”
Arthur nodded, turning back to Merlin. “Do you think he’ll recognize you?”
“I doubt it,” Merlin said out loud, adding in his head, And I certainly hope not.
Arthur just turned towards the door. “I shall see you tonight, for dinner. Tomorrow is the welcoming feast – I trust you will be ready, by then?”
“Elemental magic is a very natural form of magic, but extremely responsive to our emotions.”
“So how do you control it?”
“Simple, Merlin: focus. Think only of exactly what you want to do with the magic. And most of all, with a stern grip, flow through it. You cannot command nature – only make suggestions.”
“I just…focus?”
“Breathe, think carefully, and focus. That’s how you control what you can, andmanage what you can’t. You think, you prepare, and you focus.”
“Yes.”
As Arthur left, Merlin breathed a deep sigh of relief as he unclenched his hand, magic already setting to work.
This all was most definitely not good.
Morgana was looking at him strangely.
Not blatantly. Just out of the corner of his eye, he’d catch a strange glance, as she bundled up the basket with the wolf cub in it.
“…and we’ll likely have to keep it on milk for quite some time, considering how small it is. Though maybe we can mix in some meat sauces in, soon, depending on how well he does…and have you named him, yet?”
“Either Tundra or Cafall,” Merlin muttered.
As Gwen rolled her eyes, Morgana leaned in and asked Merlin, “You know it’s a wolf, right?”
“…it’s still…it’s…” Morgana smiled, no weird look at all, this time, and said,
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”
Merlin smiled gratefully, and Gwen came over and gently lifted up the basket, Morgana winking at Merlin on their way out.
As they left, Merlin sighed in relief and nearly collapsed on Gaius’s workbench, but managed to make it to his room before falling into his bed.
Sighing, he turned and settled in for a quick nap. Between nightmares about the Isle of the Blessed and the dragon yelling in his head when he was asleep, Merlin was always sleep deprived and always exhausted.
This was good for his magic – not only more time to study, but magic seemed easier to absorb when he was in that state between sleep and awake that came easier with exhaustion – but bad for everything else.
With a few flicks of his wrist to close the door and shut the curtains, Merlin fell fast asleep.
Well, there was one bright side to Cain visiting: as he was a very high lord, Uther was apparently quite interested in pulling the man in, using everything he could, including food. Which meant more good food being prepared, all around. Which meant more good food for Merlin to nick for himself and Gwen when he could.
And that was about it.
It was much harder to get himself any free time in the middle of the day, but right now, he managed. He’d gone through Gaius’s list of various herbs rather quickly – using magic to find things really, really helped – and after having left the pack hidden in a tree on the edge of the forest, Merlin promptly changed into a dog and took off through the trees.
Black and slightly shaggy, Merlin still otherwise was basically the species of Arthur’s hunting dogs, which’ve been bred over generations to become the perfect hunters.
Sniffing the air, Merlin turned to the left and started barking madly and chasing a little fox he found, even though he had no plans to actually catch it. After tiring from the chase, Merlin became a deer (with sharp ears out, though Merlin could feel that there wasn’t anyone around), and started lapping at the water in the pond, before switching over to a fox, himself, and pondering swimming across the river. Well, there were no vicious, poisonous insects on his back like the stories his mother had told him, and this was a fairly tranquil pond and stream.
Dipping into the water, Merlin changed his mind when he felt how bloody cold it was.
Right, almost winter.
Blinking, Merlin looked up as he felt a tug in his chest. The sun was low – and Merlin did not want to think about how the hell he knew that even when he couldn’t actually see the sun for himself.
The fox sighed, and promptly became a hawk – he was getting good at this – and flew back to the tree where he had hidden the bag. Turning human, he grabbed the bag and quickly headed back towards Camelot.
In his haste, he missed the man in the shadows of the trees, watching the procession of magic with a speculative smile on his face.
The day of the arrival of the procession from Lindsey, Merlin seriously considered wandering over to that creepy, magical lake currently housing Arthur’s sword and drowning himself in it. It would certainly save a lot of trouble…
And for some reason, he still found himself in the main hall, standing by Gwen and awaiting the royal family to greet such a high ranking and wealthy lord.
“Are you all right?” Gwen asked, after a moment.
“Hm?” Merlin said, blinking somewhat dazedly as he turned to her.
“Have you gotten any sleep at all, lately?” Gwen asked, frowning. Merlin shook his head truthfully, muttering something about nightmares, and Gwen smiled understandingly. Of all people in the castle, she probably understood the impact of nightmares the best, seeing their effect on Morgana all the time.
The horns trumpeted, and all the servants and nobles in the court immediately stood straighter and pasted warm, receptive smiles on their faces as the doors to the main hall opened.
Merlin had forgotten Cain until now.
One thing his memories often seemed to block out on his behalf was how handsome the man was. He had deep brown hair with a tone to rival that of a bay stallion, with eyes to match, set in a smooth, curved face of unpocked skin. While his figure was not that of a knight’s, it was damn close thing, and he knew how to dress to flatter his body.
Money and magic were the reasons Merlin kept going back to Cain. But his body was the reason why it was easy.
“Lord Cain,” Uther said, pleasantly, nodding in acknowledgement but otherwise using his arms to greet the man. “Welcome to Camelot.”
“Thank you, sire,” Cain said, bowing before the king. “Camelot is every bit the majestic kingdom as its reputation says.”
His voice hadn’t changed one bit. Smooth – almost too smooth, but not quite.
Merlin lowered his head a little, letting his hair further shield his face as he slipped a bit behind the other servants, and watched the party play out before him.
“I trust your travels were well?” Uther asked, congenially. Cain smiled back in the same guarded but nice way nobles always smiled in and said,
“They were, your majesty, thank you.”
“After a long journey, I suspect you wish to rest before the dinner this evening,” Uther said, slightly more imperial. This was the cue for a few servants to appear as Uther said, “We will show you your chambers immediately.”
The nobles filed out, chatting pleasantly. The servants soon followed, heading back to their work. Gwen went with the seamstress to repair a dress of Morgana’s, Morgana headed off with the steward to do something in the ledgers, and Arthur went with his knights for training as Uther escorted Cain to his chambers.
When Merlin was in the hall, he hid in an alcove and breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Cain hadn’t seen him – disaster avoided, at least for now.
With that in mind, and a few plans for handling it later, Merlin set off after Arthur to be ready when he was done with the training.
Merlin smiled as he brushed down the horse before him, falling into the relaxing rhythm of doing this particular chore by hand. Start at the spine, press the brush against the horse firmly, and stroke down, the dirt and general grime falling away as the hair was returned to a fairly neat and orderly state.
He fussed over the state of the horse as he pondered the latest magical dilemma. The Cain thing averted for at least the moment, there was still the issue of what Gaius had just told him of, the small band vampires in the forest. So long as they didn’t feed off humans, Merlin could easily warn them away before Uther heard of them, but if they started, then he would likely be best just sitting back. Though maybe he should learn all of the magic against vampires just in case…
Click
The stable door behind Merlin opened. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to ask the stable-boy what he wanted-
And promptly froze.
Closing and locking the door behind him, Cain turned around, and with a smirk on his face, said, “Hello, Merlin.”
Next Chapter
A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Something I probably should’ve mentioned last chapter:
Merlin is, in the works of Robert de Boron, well known for his own shape shifting. T.H. White further elaborates on this in The Once and Future King by having Merlin turn Arthur into various animals to teach him about life, which is later used as the basis for the 1963 Disney film The Sword in the Stone.
In other words, Merlin being a shapeshifter is one of the very few things that is actually consistent across the legends, and yes, I am totally waiting for that to somehow show up on the show! *diehard Animorphs fan*
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Date: 2009-11-13 01:44 am (UTC)